I feel really... tense. On the inside. My chest, pretty much.
My sister and I are waiting for my dad to pick us up for practice. Its the waiting that gets to me.
Look, you dont know my dad. And even though hes my dad, Im suppose to love him unconditionally in this family. But HELLO, im a normal teenager with angst. I drag my butt to the monument of ignorance called school EVERY year. I meet new people, new friends, new boys. You cant NOT think my hormones would lead me astray.
My father is no ordinary over protective dad. I have never had a sleepover. No boyfriend (officially), I've never been to the mall with friends.... No stuff normal teenagers get to do.
I want to DANCE! I want to run! I want to go to the beach with people I like!
I feel so caged in, its not funny.
I wish I took the road less traveled. Life is full of choices... I made the wrong one.
I ruined my own life, and because of that, Im making my way back into the heart of my father. I lost his trust doing the things I do and its so hard trying to get it back. Its like he doesnt love me as much as he used to. Even though I know thats not true, I know that its because he cant stand to think about the things Ive done.
Im sorry if my writing seems jumbled. I cant think. Im distracted, and usually writing helps me think... Just not today. I dont know if you can tell, but im sorta, kinda... depressed. Not really. I just feel down. And I still have that tense feeling in my chest, creeping up my throat. I should stop writing before I sound like an idiot. Shit, it might be too late...
